The magic pill

Last night I watched Dr. Who. It was an episode where an alien nanny decended on Earth and sold a magical pill that caused people to lose 1 pound a day of “unneeded” fat. It turns out that the fat was actually splitting off of the person and running back to the alien nanny.

I would totally take that pill. In fact, even knowing that my fat was going to grow legs and walk away to be an alien life form. I would still totally take that pill.

For YEARS I’ve been looking for the magic pill. I haven’t been taking them.. because they always sound like absolute crap.. but I watch them. “Only eat meat and fat and you’ll lose weight” “NO NO NO only eat fruits and veggies and you’ll lose weight”, “Try our fancy African berry (because Lord knows it’s because of some fancy berry that the African’s are so skinny)”, “just let us maim your body in unspeakable ways and remove most of your stomach and then you’ll be skinny”.

The nice part about a magic pill is that it promises to be swift. If you can just make it through the pain for a little while you’ll be skinny and svelte and the envy of all your friends.

The bad part about the magic pill.. is it doesn’t work. Oh, don’t get me wrong.. it works for a little while.. you lose 5 pounds in the first week and you’re gearing up for the second or third week if you can only stick with it. Except that sticking with it is taking all of your will power. So when you stray.. you stray ALL the way. Not just a little. If I’m going to fall off the plan to have a cupcake BY GOD IT BETTER BE THE BEST CUPCAKE I HAVE EVER EATEN OR I’M EATING TWO BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY FALLEN OFF “THE PLAN” AND I ALREADY FAIL SO I MIGHT AS WELL FAIL BIG.

So we binge.. and we gain weight (or fail to lose) and then blame ourselves “If only I was strong enough I could have lost all the weight.. but I am weak”

This is why it’s so important to me to have first of all a “lifestyle change” and second of all a “lifestyle change” I can stick to for the rest of my life. That means no freaky rules about things I can never have again. It means I can’t keep on a diet that requires me to track and weight everything I put in my mouth. It means that I’m going to look with skeptical eye when some herbal remedy or extract is -required-.

So far clean eating is working out. It’s not a magic pill.. but it does seem stick-to-it-able. It’s also not swift.. fundamentally I’m ok with that. I mean I -wish- it was swift… but it took me 20 years to get to where I am.. I can’t expect to fix that overnight.