I keep wanting to say “I finally decided I was tired of being fat” but that’s not totally true.. I decided I was tired of being fat a long time ago. When I was size 18 in college. When I couldn’t put the tray table down on the airplane flight. When I had to ask for a seat belt extender on planes. When I saw people swerve away from sharing seats with me on BART. When I see pictures of myself or catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. Whenever anyone says “you have such a pretty face”. I hate being fat. I hate every last thing about it.
I think the difference is this time I’m approaching it from the right angle. 90% of what I’m doing is fiddling with my diet. In times in the past I’ve fiddled with my diet.. but it’s always been me following some book’s advice without actually understanding why I was changing my diet to their recommendations. In another instance I tried to fix my weight solely through exercise.
Usually what happens is I follow whatever the new idea is for a while.. then I get bored with it.. or its too hard.. or I start to add too it. Until finally I am seeing no progress and I “give up” in disgust.
I came close to that in late December. I wasn’t seeing any progress and I was a bit discouraged.. but I knew what I was doing to sabotage myself. Since this time I know what I’m supposed to be eating and (more importantly) =why= I’m supposed to be eating it I KNEW what I was doing with the nibbles that were keeping me at the same weight. I just needed to get those under control.
So.. “I finally decided I was tired of being fat and I figured out how I can continue to eat and enjoy myself without gaining weight.”
